The lady in the picture is tired. There is no doubt in my mind that she is simply overcome with tiredness. Have you been there before? Have you ever felt like if you had to take one more step, open your mouth to utter another word, or even pick up anything.....you would fall to the ground and begin kicking, screaming and beating your fists into the ground?? Have you experienced this feeling? I have...Is it wrong to get upset when you walk through the door, "punch the time clock" because it is time to report to your "real job"?....mommy and wife. Not upset, as in, I hate my children and husband. Upset, as in, I am tired, need a nap, would not dare go to sleep without spending time with my precious girls and hubby, need to cook "something", about to go to sleep while walking but can not commit to sleeping yet, need to spend time with the hubby to talk, laugh and catch up on the hot topics of the day, completing bedtime rituals, not knowing how I will remain awake or function kind of upset. I believe as women, we often do not allow ourselves to be tired. We tell our bodies, "Wake up!, what are you doing? No resting here!". I am not sure how we learn this behavior, but it is definetly in our DNA to put ourselves last.
I am learning it is okay to "be tired". It is okay to cry because your are tired. Children cry when they are tired! I use to confuse being tired with being lazy. However, they are 2 completely different actions and behavior. I think when you reach the point of closing your eyes, drifting off to sleep while crawling into bed ...when this point is reached, it is time for R-E-S-T. Who am I joking though? At times, rest seems as though it is a bucket list item! For all of those times, I heard my mom say, "I'm too tired to go to sleep". I am SO SORRY I did not understand THEN what she was feeling. I am SO SORRY I was not supportive or did not offer her a word of encouragement. One of my aunts told me this feeling would never go away totally. I thought to myself, "YIKES"! How in the world will I survive this overwhelming and lingering feeling? For now, all I know to do is to try to take things one day at a time. I must remind myself that women do all of these things everyday (we handle everything) and they do it well, some do it average, some do it mediocre and others do it poorly. However, the main point, I guess, is that eventually it all gets done. I am doing the best I can and that is good enough, as it is coming 100% from my mind, body and spirit. I love my family. I love my career. Yes, tiredness will come. I will feel overwhelmed. But I know that I can make it...I WILL make it. It is so worth it to be tired while pouring into my children versus feeling exhausted and leaving them alone to comfort and nourish themselves. I want my daughters to always remember how I loved, nurtured and comforted them. They, too, will do the same for their daughters.
Well, tonight, I am proudly saying..."YOU WIN"! You win dirt, you win dishes, you win carpet, you win toys on the floor, you win dolls and puzzles, you win books/magazines scattered across the carpet...EVERYTHING, you win! Tonight, I will not fight with you. You have every right to remain in your territory for now. The hubby and I have put McKenzie and Madison down to sleep. It is now time for me to go to my loving and supportive bed. My bed will enable me to stretch my body out and close my eyes for several hours....such a great friend! Tomorrow I will wake up refreshed and ready for another 16 hours. Until next time, love yourself (and get some rest!)!